MXAT Summer Intensive 2019: Reflecting on My Experience 2 Years Later
Hi there!
So during the summer of 2019 I did a summer intensive at the Moscow Art Theatre School (or MXAT for short) and it was one of the most rewarding and eye opening theatrical experiences I’ve had thus far. However, at the time I found myself the most stressed, insecure, and burnt out I had felt in regards to my artistry and I want to reflect on that for a short while and talk about what all I’ve learned in the years following the intensive about myself, how I function, and how learning those things helped me reach new levels as an actor, artist, and human.
It was definitely exciting to be able to spend two months putting all of my energy on my growth as a theatre artist, but there were things out of my control that got in the way of what I wanted to be the most enlightening experience. In a way it was, just not the way I was expecting.
Long story short, I ended up pushing myself too hard physically in our stage movement class and ended up pulling a muscle in my back. That paired with the long shows we were going to see every other night put me in a lot of pain that I had no idea how to handle at the time. And since I was so determined to get the most out of my summer, I pushed through the pain and still tried to give as much effort as I could in my physical classes. This was not a wise decision.
I ended up just not being very successful at a lot of the activities we were doing due to my back and then beating myself up for not trying hard enough. This not only just made the pain excruciating by the time the six weeks were over, but I found myself struggling mentally. I was irritable with my fellow students, found myself struggling to feel free when performing, and had a hard time paying attention to the shows we were seeing. It was a difficult experience for me, but I think getting through it and making it out fine taught me a lot looking back.
I learned a lesson about burnout. I learned to listen to my body and accept that your body and mind need to rest in order to operate at its fullest potential. I learned lessons of self compassion and not let insecurity turn into feelings of inadequacy. To accept those moments of struggle and embrace them because those ore the moments we grow from the most.
In more recent times, I’ve actually taken this lesson and applied it to my life now. I’ve been very busy lately juggling my day job with rehearsals and performances and I’ve managed to remain stable and that’s only because I’ve kept up with mental health practices, and giving myself the permission to take breaks and accept that I don’t have to be operating at 100 percent at all times. Lastly I’ve learned about my body’s physical capabilities as well as its limits.
With all that being said, my MXAT Summer Intensive was not at all a negative experience. I made some incredible friends, created some great theatre I can be proud of, and got to see some of the most inspiring productions I’ve ever seen. I even got pulled on stage during a production and got to participate while pretending to understand the actors’ instructions in Russian. It was an experience I wouldn’t change for the world and I’d love to return and hopefully I’ll be able to if the world calms down.
Enjoy some photos from Russia!
-RJM
